Introductions through Friends…
This is another source for finding a RW. The idea is that if you trust your friends you will trust who they introduce to you as well. On the surface this may appear to be a sound idea. Your friends are taking a stab at matching making. They are doing the prescreening for you. Since they are introducing to you their RW friend, they are assuming some responsibility in the affair. Perhaps they will help smooth out some difficulties that are sure to arise. On the flip side, the RW may believe that her RW friend had found a suitable husband for her and that all she has to do is show up then it’s a done deal. She may believe that her friend is setting up and arranging everything.
In these cases the WM and RW can presume many things, all of which may or may not be true. The degree of miscommunication and mis understanding in these situations can be astounding. It can even be worse than if you went to Russia on your own with no prepping at all. Bear in mind that the channel of communications can start from a RW that lives in Russia who has a mother that knows another mother whose daughter had recently married a WM. Well the two mothers start talking and low and behold a deal is struck. One mother obliges her daughter to be receptive to the other mother’s offer of a WM husband through her daughter’s husband if he has a friend that is receptive to marrying a RW. In situations like this, crucial information can get passed on 5 times before it gets to the other end.
So what to do? Take a friends introduction as just that… only an introduction. The rest is up to you and her. Don’t assume that you are obligated or your friends will assume any liability or will magically grease the skids for you in this affair. And if they do take upon themselves some ownership of the situation, take it with a grain of salt since you don’t know their motives for doing so. Try to establish direct communications to cut out the potential mis-communications (middle men). Determine if the RW is serious about a WM and moving to a new country or if it is all her Mother’s idea. Make her understand that your decision to propose (if you propose) to her is solely based on her and her actions alone and not on those actions of relatives and friends.
When a well matched couple has help from friends and relatives, it is a blessing. When a not well matched couple has help from friends and relatives to make a relationship tenable, it is a mixed blessing at best.
Ronin
Last edited on Saturday September 23rd, 2006 11:27 am by ronin1
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