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ronin1
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Posted: Sunday September 10th, 2006 12:39 pm |
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Russian Woman and Mind Games…
WW play mind games. That is a given, whether it is conscious of not.
RW do not play mind games in the sense that WM maybe accustom to. It could be a serious mistake in assuming that. Mind games require an expenditure of effort and energy that goes against RW’s pragmatic nature. RW do things for a reason. It is not always clear what that reason maybe, nevertheless it is a reason that can be discovered rather easily.
The typical RW are born and raised in a society where gender roles are fixed and well understood. No need to waste energy here in struggling with who does what in a family. The men do the things men are supposed to do and the RW do the things women are supposed to do. The man is the de facto head of household. So when the RW wants something, she will appeal to the husband. If she doesn’t get her way she may use good old fashion manipulation. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with this because it is so transparent that the average WM will see it coming a mile away. Their forms of beguiling a man are so direct that it is a blessing to have to contend with it. The alternative of a WW’s mind games are much worse.
Now, if we are speaking about a clever RW who has an intelligent head on her shoulder, she may play a form of mind game. However, it is more like enticing and taunting a man along the male/female playing field. It is used to draw and hold the attention and interest of an intelligent man. These RW will banter and play not so easy to get. It is not used as a divisive weapon to cripple or confuse a man. It is purely what intelligent RW do and is well within the framework of the female role.
I would say that in all fairness that RW may play games, but they certainly are not mind games. Perhaps WM maybe confounded by RW actions. Most are really an open book. All one need do is to listen carefully, read and try to understand where they are coming from. This endeavor or accelerated process is not natural to them or WM. This is bound to cause confusing. Don’t make the mistake and labeling it as mind games. One may throw away perfectly good WM/RW relationship if one is not careful.
Ronin
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Pushkin
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| Joined: | Thursday August 16th, 2007 |
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Posted: Friday August 17th, 2007 02:42 am |
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Interesting, if you define "mind games" as "trying to influence someone to do someone by indirect means" then absolutely yes. Although oftentimes I still think there is not a clear picture of what the RW wants you to do, but engages in some sort of unusual behavior due to emotions, moods, etc.
Example: money is a big issue. I was dating a RW, and she needed some money for her apartment, since she was studying and working at the same time, but couldn't make ends meet. So she was going on and on about how one guy wanted to put a fireworks display on for her (that would cost some serious money) but she didn't like him. Then this guy, or another guy, wanted to sell his car for her to help her out, "but she wouldn't let him." She just would drop this right into the middle of the conversation. Of course I ended up paying for the apartment.
Actually that one, when she wanted an additional amount of money, -- for her tuition -- she dropped this bomb on me: "A movie director has called a meeting with me and my Mom on Monday, to ask me to marry him, and then all my problems will be solved. I don't want to, but he says he'll solve all my problems." I think she did have some serious money problems, but later after I asked her how the meeting went, later the next week, she sort of couldn't remember. Obviously I can see the money issue there.
Other times the behavior is just odd. One, we were getting along great -- I thought -- then I had one more week in town before I had to leave. We had a dinner together and it wasn't too great, -- but not awful, previously, we were getting along quite well. We had known each other for about a month, and she didn't have a boyfriend, and we were getting along quite well, good jokes together, meet for lunch, when she had some free time, etc. Then the next night, she couldn't be reached at all by cell phone, -- which never had happened, meaning she's just not answering, then that weekend -- I thought we were going to spend it together -- she left town to go visit her family in Moldovia. Just gone, no record. I was sent up with her by my Russian teacher there (in Odessa) so I asked my teacher what was going on and my Russian teacher said "She's not thinking clearly, she's under a lot of stress" (she just had exams). I got back to the States, and she wrote me a few emails, but would take over a month to write and would only write a few lines each time (she has access to email at work, I know it wasn't too difficult to write). So I don't know what was really accomplished by not answering the cell phone and leaving, unless she really wanted to get rid of me, but then I somewhat recently emailed my teacher in Odessa and she said she still likes me. If you ask me, I think there's just no logical thought process going on there.
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ronin1
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Posted: Saturday August 18th, 2007 07:21 am |
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Pushkin,
Welcome to the RWPrimer and thanks to your many posts.
You are obviously no stranger to Russia and Russian women.
Indeed RW behavior appears incomprehensible at times due to our lack of understanding of their culture. The behavior you have written about is far from rare. The "trying to influence someone to do someone by indirect means" is true, however I can refine it a bit. In another thread Agency Interpreter Politics I wrote a well known Russian saying that “in a marriage the man is the head and the woman is the neck.” This is a very soft form of manipulation in the world of power plays. The RW provides the topics to with husband may or will decision on. This is very much in line with Russians autocratic rule for past 1000 years or so. The Czar (king) made rulings on those affairs of State that his court brought before him. The parallel is striking in its simplicity.
If a man has designs on a RW, she can determine it by this action. If the man decides to rule (be the head) he will address the issues the RW brings to him. If the man ignores the issues, it is an indication that he is either not inclined to have a serious relationship (leading to some form of marriage) or is not ready to have a serious relationship. This follows my repeated statement for those pursuing a RW, “Never ignore a them.”
There is another attribute of RW that make their actions rather unpredictable. They can suddenly without notice change their plans. This is especially true for those RW that are 23 y.o. and younger. First, RW are raised with this belief that travel is something that should not be planned. In doing so would invite bad luck to the trip. Also, for young RW there youth hungers for new and varied experiences. Since they are by culture in their prime for a few short years, they want to canvas as much area to signal their availability for as many potential and real contacts that could develop in the near future. Much of this leads to their desire to be married by the age of 23.
Consequently, in the camp of rations and where rationalization dwells, it is perhaps true that she went to visit her parents where her cell phone has no coverage or service or is simply too expensive to use. Maybe it was thoughtless that she didn’t call before she left, however she may not want to invite bad luck. Perhaps she was too busy to write emails. This combination of “perhaps” is an unlikely set of events.
Ronin
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