Russian Brides and Love…
I once had an opportunity to advise a RW that was a free agent in the States. She was recently divorced and had an AM boy-friend. She was very upset at him and their relationship in general.
The situation was that they started out as lovers. The man would wine and dine her and foot the bill as would be expected. Later, she moved into his house and he let her borrow his second car. A short time after he had to make several out of town business trips and gave her a checklist of things to do while he was gone. At the time the RW wasn’t working and he thought it was a reasonable thing to ask for the use of his home and car.
Several business trips later the RW sought my advice. She was furious at him for what he had done to her. She was no longer loved him and had developed a deep resentment for him in a very short time.
Her explanation was that he really didn’t love her and was on the contrary using her. This was proved by the fact that the things he did for her (the house, car & others) where his to begin with and he had not gone out of his way to provide these things for her, they were already there. In addition, she had to ‘earn’ the right to use them by doing chores around the house and servicing the car while he was gone.
I paraphrased to her the situation as this. The man had an excess capacity of possessions and in real terms she did indeed benefit from this. However, since the man recovered this benefit by her doing chores clearly showed that the honeymoon was over. The man is unconsciously trying to reach parity in the relationship where no one owes anything, however in the Russian mindset, parity is not even in the vocabulary. Indeed, the relationship had evolved to a mutually parasitic one… (which seems to be common in Western relationships) that is why she doesn’t love him any more.
What I learned from her reinforces what I have heard and experienced before, that for a RW, material goods mean nothing and everything. The possessions (toil) a man has before the relationship is inconsequential to a RW. These are there already. It’s what a man does with the earned money and goods during the relationship that counts. The RW has to see the man toil… albeit, suffer for the RW’s favor and love. She has to see the sweat on his brow and the pain in his eyes and in turn he has to be ready to give it up in an instant and gladly for the family.
Russian culture is one of sufferage for both men and women. I may have it all wrong but it seems that this is how they measure and expressed love.
RoninLast edited on Sunday April 6th, 2008 11:21 pm by ronin1
|
