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ronin1
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| Location: | S.F. Bay Area, California USA |
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Posted: Saturday August 12th, 2006 07:03 pm |
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RW Temper Tantrums…
The Russian people have received an undeserved reputation for being argumentative and stubborn. Though this is not truly the case, I do agree that it may appears that way by Western sensibilities. Yet, you could not believe that of the beautiful dainty RW that you had courted in Russia. Perhaps, she was that shining exception that you can thank your luck stars on. Don’t be too sure of that.
You’ve dodged the taxi scalpers, mafia and police shakedowns. Endured cold showers, hot drinks called coffee and TP that could tear a new you know what. You’ve racked your brain for days, weeks or months deciding which RW is the right one for you. After that you had to figuring out the Immigrations, Customs and Embassy maze… what could be harder? Now that you have her safely transplanted on your home soil, what could go wrong… plenty.
In reality, all that preceded her arrival to your homeland was a cakewalk in comparison to the real work that is ahead of you. The saying, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too” comes to mind. Sure you were able to snare a gorgeous young RW in record time, but it comes with a price. And I’m not just talking about green backs.
Unlike most AW, RW that have been recently transplanted have little to feel that they belong in this new homeland. They literally have nothing to hold them to this new land except for their fiancé/husband to which the connection is often very tenuous. Also, they know that if things go south in the relationship, they always have the option to bail and go back to Russia. Consequently, since little is to be lost, they are free to throw tantrums with all the ammo at the fingertips and whatever their tongue can produce. It can be an everything and anything, no holds barred affair. It can get quite ugly if one is not prepared for such an event.
to be continued,,,
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ronin1
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Posted: Sunday August 13th, 2006 07:54 pm |
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Russian Woman Temper Tantrums
What triggers such an event can be one or a combination of things. Perhaps she feels that she has little control of her surroundings. Frustrated with things not being able to cope as quickly as she may have expected. Perhaps, she believes that she is not afforded her proper due, as one’s other half. Regardless of the reasons, there is nothing like good damage control to shore up the situation before it goes to critical mass.
Damage control is essential to defuse this potential deal breaker situation. On one-hand, it would be bad form from a man to endorse this kind of behavior from a woman, especially a RW. In doing so, it would most likely insure the continuance of such displays in the future. On the other-hand, these emotional outpourings could be just a way for her to release some true steam.
IMO, regardless of the reasons (i.e. true response, RW manipulation, GCG syndrome, RW power play, learned behavior in Russia, etc.) such habits are generally not conducive to a long successful relationship in the western world. In fact, it is often a deal breaker if left unchecked.
With many bad habits, the best fix is often going cold turkey… or for RW the tough love approach. One must constructively confront the RW in a loving yet resolute way. Attempt to understand her concerns and POV. Unfortunately, in this high-strung emotional situation mixed with the whole mélange of language and cultural barriers, understandable complete ideas from the RW will often not be forthcoming. Communication from either side tends to be not completely rational and/or is mis-communicated. In any case it is a bad time to make critical decisions and critical decisions should not be made. Therefore, it is important to plan for the potential RW temper tantrum in advance.
Keep-It-Simple-Stupid (KISS) should be one’s motto in this situation. Repeatedly, try to convey two simple ideas. One, that temper tantrums are not an acceptable avenue for communication. Two, is that you (WM) will do everything reasonable that is need to protect her and her well being. The fact that you argue with her will reassure her of your love for her (strange but true).
On no account turn away from her rants or close her out in frustration. Don’t give a hint of throwing in the towel. Such action will confirm that you don’t love her and set into motion another less desirable and predictable set of events. Only when the situation is keep in play will the verbal forces from both sides cancel each other out.
to be continued...
Last edited on Saturday March 22nd, 2008 07:41 pm by ronin1
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ronin1
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Posted: Monday August 14th, 2006 10:42 pm |
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RW need proof of what you are stating. Many will need to know that you will backup your words with actions. In these instances the temper tantrum may evolve into the “packed bag test” (this is covered in another thread).
To recap what one must aspire to in handling the “packed bag test” one must remain strong (after all you are the man) and not cave into unreasonable demands or concessions for her to stay in your homeland. Let her know that you will let her go if she can’t bear living in your homeland. It may seem like a Mexican standoff. Stick to your guns.
Honor her request to return home. Don’t help her pack her bags. If you do help her pack, you will be indicating that you truly don’t care for her.
You may have to drive her to the airport and even pay for the airfare tickets arguing your two simple points all the while. Just short of her checking her bags in will you have to clutch her waist and concede that you love/need her and that you don’t want her to leave. Often one will not have to go so far before a resolution is reached. This is the end of a tantrum at its worst. And it can be repeated many times. The silver lining is that if you don’t cave into it, it will dissipate with time, but it any take as long as a couple of years.
A note of caution: Don’t be confused with temper tantrums and ultimatums from GCG. These are totally different animals and should be handled in a completely different manner.
RoninLast edited on Thursday August 17th, 2006 06:41 am by ronin1
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