Dwfunk,
I don’t have direct observations, however I do have some insight to your question. I will generalize just to make my point.
In Russia there are many influences that shape how Russian sons are brought up. First are the expectations. As you may know there is a shortage of men to carry the burdens of the Russian country. Being a patriarchal society, the men are responsible for the will and direction of the country, state and family. This places huge expectations on the newborn sons.
To elevate this problem further is the high abortion rate. Since the birth of a child can often place a family or women into abject poverty many choose not to have a child. This is a major cause of the declining demographics that will ripple through the fabric of Russian society for generations to come.
Looking at upbringing, many Russian children are principally raised by the Grand Mothers. This is because the Grand Mothers are either too old to hold onto the jobs because of their age and looks (Many RW age very early due to the harsh environment they are subject to) and are more suited to home life, while their hot 20 something daughters are more successful in obtaining and holding onto jobs.
So the Russian system works well in raising children, however they (the family) will often be partial in giving more attention to sons, since they (the sons) are Russia’s future. And their fate is far from being an easy road. So the least they can do is to perhaps either spoil the child of be very strict with the child. Spoiling is to compensate for the hardships and failures the child will have as an adult. Strictness as to prepare the son for the rigors to survive as an adult. More often than not the tendency is to spoil, however it is not spoiling in their eyes as it is ours.
Regardless of the road, when the Russian Mother and son arrive in the States the whole system breaks down. There is no social infrastructure to take care of the child except the Mother herself. As where the Mother would depend on the Grand Mother to raise the child, now she has to do it all. It is not uncommon for young RW to not know how to cook or fully understand their son’s concerns or needs. That was the Babushkas job in the family. So this lack knowledge plus the uncertainties and pressures of coping with being in a new society press the mother and son ever so close for survival. In this the Mother will understandably feel a degree of guilt in that the decision to go to another country was hers. This guilt will translate to being over-protective and over yielding to her son. This is on top of the same feels they have by their own Russian culture.
The mother often can’t rely on the new father for help. The fact is that she hardly knows him. He doesn’t share or understand the Russian culture. They may have spent as little as a week or two together. Though they are married they many as well be strangers when it comes to issues of child rearing.
Bestowing trust in child issues is a long drawn out process that can take much time before the new father can assert real authority in the family and consequently releave the mother from some of the pressures of raising a son.
Just some rambling thoughts on the subject.
Ronin
Last edited on Monday January 21st, 2008 12:44 am by ronin1
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