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ronin1
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| Joined: | Saturday January 21st, 2006 |
| Location: | S.F. Bay Area, California USA |
| Posts: | 622 |
| Visits: | 7 | | Currently: | married |
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Posted: Wednesday May 30th, 2007 06:47 am |
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Visiting In-Laws Cultural Shock…
If one plays his cards right, a WM will invite the in-laws at the most advantageous time. This would be at point where his RWife has had time to feel comfortable in her new climes and is very functional in her surroundings. Better yet, has had a stint in the work force and is contributing to the finances of the household. In other words there is a level of stability in the relationship and all seems to be going well. This is IMO the best time for the in-laws to make a first visit and for the couple to make a favorable first impression.
For those that are anticipating a visit from the in-laws, it can be a very wonderful time and a very trying time. Often it is a costly venture… not for them but for the WM/RW couple. In most cases the WM/RW couple will be expected to foot most if not all the bill for their entire visit plus expenses. To boot, to get the best bang for the buck, the visit will be for an extended period.
The expectations can be high for the WM/RW couple to act as host, concierge, and chauffer (just to name a few expected hats). The in-laws maybe envisioning something out of ‘Santa Barbara’ (the show). If the couple’s attention to them is not up to snuff or their preconceived notions of how America is not proven in their visit, there will be hell to pay. As it is known, relatives will be expecting the best and can be seen as ungratefully in doing so. Hey, that’s the Russian way. Just grow a thick skin and don’t let it rub you the wrong way.
However, there is a silver lining to this for the WM. Since the Russian wife is the go-between or liaison between the two cultures, she gets the receiving end of handling the cultural shock that the in-laws experience. In other words, she will now experience much of the frustration and head banging that her husband had to go through in acclimating his Rwife.
It all begins with arranging for the tourist visa. This is a joint venture between the RWife and her soon to be visiting relatives. The Rwife will tell them what needs to be done because she has gone through it to some extent and has direct access to the pertinent information from the Embassy site. Yet, with Russian regularity the relatives will consult their own local sources of information. Of course the two sources of information will rarely coincide. The relatives will question the RWife’s statements of fact by, “I heard such and such say something else.”
Now, I know that the WM reading this will find this amusing. How many times did your RWife defer to her own Russian sources of information about how things run in your country? It is an exasperating experience to find that your wife will seem to trust others over her own husband’s words. You will be glad to know that it is not just you. They even question their own kin! This can go beyond exasperation for her.
The visa can become a huge fiasco as far as issues of trust is concerned, but this is just the unappetizing appetizer. The visa only risks a $100 or so. Wait till the flight travel arrangements need to be ironed out. Now the risk is bumped into the $1000+ range. When doubting Thomas’s and risking big bucks converge, you can bet there can be short fuses and a potential full broad spectrum fireworks. Then the husband will be there to smooth the ruffled feathers, since he is not in the fray.
And the trip hasn’t even begun yet!
Those WM that have stuck it out with their RWives through the difficult first years will see the fruits of their labors. The RWife will have empathy for what her husband went through… and by doing so will appreciate him even more. Yes, I did say ‘appreciate.’ It is a sobering experience for the Rwife and is worth every penney for that expensive visit!
Ronin
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