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ronin1
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Posted: Friday September 29th, 2006 02:47 am |
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Why First Visits Don’t Work Out… Until the Last Minute…
So here you are the typical agency client on the first visit. You’ve done your homework. Read everything on the net. You feel like you have a handle on how things will go down. Everything is planned out with your agency and your schedule is booked solid for the 10 days you will be there.
You’re motivated to find your soul mate yet you remind yourself that this is just a dry-run or vacation (street smarts that you picked up of the web) and have no real expectations. But the reality is that this trip is expensive in time and dollar resources. After 20 hrs of being shaken and not stirred, you arrive at your destination. Between sleep deprivation and jet lag you sleep solid until the next morning when you are scheduled to meet your first RW.
After perhaps a year of planning you meet your #1 pick and she is gorgeous. She is everything that you could ask for. You have a hard time to believe that such a perfect women would even talk to you let alone be interested in marrying you. In an instant many months of education and planning go out the door. You think that she is the ‘one’ and you have 9 scant days to woo her. You can hardly contain your joy and luck to have found her on the first meeting. Things go well as you chat up a storm trading the basic info that is so common to first meets. Alas, you have to say goodbye. You schedule to meet for the evening. Your next appointment awaits.
You meet your #2 pick. Again she is lovely. How can you compare? She is different yet… lovely. You begin to feel that it is not hard to find a beauty… but more who to choose. Again you trade info and setup a date for the following evening.
This perhaps will happen for a few more RW over the next several days. You may not know it but you may have lost these girls without ever knowing it. As time goes on you spend much of your time with the first 10 RW that you met and your initial schedule is long gone out the window. You are having a great time learning about these RW that you have great hopes for. However time is passing and there is more than hope that you are expecting.
Somewhere in the middle of your visit, half of these RW fall off the radar screen through too many postponed or canceled dates, sickness in the family or simply unavailable. The remainder of RW relationships don’t seem to be developing anywhere except for having a good time. You begin to come off the euphoria of your first contacts with RW.
Half your visit was wasted on dead ends. You start to come out of the fog and realize that you have to get back on track. You revive your schedule and start meeting more RW and none to soon… only a few days left! You are trying to squeeze out the energy to be enthusiastic about meeting these RW but how can they compare to those first few? As your energy about this whole endeavor begins to flow away so to does the remaining days of your visit. You know that you must stay the course and not get anxious about not finding your soul mate on this first visit (refer to first paragraph). Still, you can’t avoid that sinking feeling of disappointment.
You now have perhaps 2 or 3 days left. You have met many fine RW in the last couple of days or so, however for some reason you were not able to clicking with any of them. Something seems to be missing. The time left is so short that you pretty much have given up on the idea that you will find that special someone. Even if you did meet her, how can you woo her in the time remaining.
This is when the magic happens. When you lose all hope and you’ve decided to throw in the towel, wonder of wonders you meet her. You feel the instant chemistry and she makes it very apparent to you. It is as if you could do no wrong in her eyes. She makes you feel confident and even bold. So you boldly propose even though you hardly know her, but it feels right. She accepts with no hesitation.
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So what happened?
To be continued...
Last edited on Wednesday September 19th, 2007 06:15 am by ronin1
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ronin1
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Posted: Saturday September 30th, 2006 03:25 am |
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So what happened? There are many reasons why men will find their RW later more often than sooner, especially on a first visit. In this second run through of events, more will be revealed. Perhaps the factors can be along the following lines. It is said that every story has three parts, a beginning, middle and end.
In the beginning the WM is exuberant in his desires and enthusiasm (shows in his body language). As most WM do, he is meeting his best picks first (top down approach). He has a full bankroll in his pocket and it flows readily (hasn’t had time to gauge expenses and wants to impress his RW). He is enthralled by the RW’s beauty and overwhelmed by their quantities (kid in the candy store effect). Believes that his first picks are the keepers (perhaps one-way chemistry).
The middle is the transition of learning how things will really go down. Half of his top picks have made excuses not to meet. Most RW are sensitive to the RM’s tender ego and will not reject them out right. This carries onto WM a well. The other half of his top picks enjoyed the good time to be had but had no real intent to get serious. The end of this transition is coming to grips with the true nature of how he lost precious time in the pursuit of bunny trails. It is time to get back to the straight and narrow as the forum sages have repeatedly taught. In doing so he enters a phase of uncertainty where he knows what was lost but doesn’t correctly understand why if at all. All he knows is that he as failed in some way or that the fault lies in those RW what have so far mislead or misrepresented themselves. To recover some of the ground he had lost, he accelerates his efforts. In doing so he inadvertently stumbles further upon what RW are truly looking for.
Near the end, he begins to doubt that he will find that perfect someone that he was meant to be with. His enthusiasm wanes. His schedule is still packed, yet he feels that he is just going through the motions till his visit ends. He paid a handsome sum to be there, might as well follow through. He has become familiar with the routine of the meetings, dates, discos and local watering holes. Time is flying and there are no good prospects at hand.
Then he meets ‘her’. Fireworks go off and perhaps he doesn’t hear or see them well. There is an instant attraction in that this time it is from both parties involved. However, he is slow to response for fear of another false start. He does sense that there is something profoundly different about her response to him. Perhaps it has something to do with her wide-eyed gaze, slightly parted moist lips and shifting hemline. On the following dates she pampers him like a king. They quickly grow inseparable. He can’t get of her and she of him. Nature takes its course and then he eventually proposes to her.
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So what happened?
to be continued...
Last edited on Wednesday September 19th, 2007 06:20 am by ronin1
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ronin1
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| Location: | S.F. Bay Area, California USA |
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Posted: Saturday September 30th, 2006 07:43 pm |
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Conclusions,
In retrospect everything turned out all right despite the WM breaking about every rule in the book. He attained his goal of finding his RW, though it was a hurried process at the end. However, why had he abandoned the wisdom of the sages in the first place? The answer maybe that since things seemed to go so well with the first few RW, he developed a false sense of security in his abilities or luck. He may have thought (consciously or subconsciously) that the rules no longer apply to him since it appeared that a match was imminent between at least one of his top picks. Unknown to him this was just the tip of the iceberg in understanding the situation.
All is lost if one’s approach to RW is at odds with itself. First, the WM used the ‘top down’ approach in meeting RW. This may seem very natural to do. However, to court exceptionally beautiful RW requires a different mindset on the part of the WM. This mindset often starts to develop naturally after being in Russia for a week or two. Those RW that are of this rare class know they are beautiful. RM remind them of this everyday. To be reminded of this by WM will rarely elicits a different response.
As the WM tires of putting his best foot forward, RW may see him as being more interesting. At the same time he will be meeting RW that are more receptive of being flirted with. Thus two sliding scales of behavior and interest will meet at the middle.
Could he have done better? Perhaps. However, to suggest that a man use the ‘bottom up’ approach is not feasible. We can’t change what RW desire, however we can change how we present ourselves to RW. Perhaps that is the key. If the WM can start out with the attitude, composure, and mindset that he will have after a week of two in Russia, then he may have done better. Is this a cart before the horse trick? Perhaps. If it can be negotiated to some reasonable extent, it may improve ones attractiveness to RW.
Ronin
Last edited on Tuesday October 3rd, 2006 03:10 am by ronin1
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ronin1
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| Location: | S.F. Bay Area, California USA |
| Posts: | 622 |
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Posted: Tuesday October 3rd, 2006 03:07 am |
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More conclusions,
Another question is why was he unsuccessful with his top choices? In truth, it maybe that all those RW were not interested in him. More correctly put is that he had made himself uninteresting by his efforts to put his best foot forward. Bear in mind that those top picks are perhaps in the top 20% of RW in Russia as far as desirability goes. RM hits them on all the time. These exceptionally beautiful RW get complemented, flirted, and wooed perhaps everyday. They are looking for something more than just this.
Perhaps they are looking for a WM. When a WM (which is the de facto premium suitor for RW) should have the upper hand in attracting RW. Many RW have the perception that AM are, at the very least, well off and have a ‘go for it’ attitude. This equates to having money and power (A very attractive combination for RW). However when he puts his best foot forward, guess what, he often acts the same as the flirting RM. Consequently, half of his top picks response the same… polite disinterest. The other half of his top choices may not be serious with him or anyone and will look at it as an opportunity to party as in the nature of may young beautiful RW.
How could he have handled it better? In the group of exceptionally beautiful RW, they are attracted to men of strong character. It is perceived that a man of strong character holds or can hold power. Unlike in the States, in Russia power begets money and everything else. A man with a weak character and money will lose all. It is not that a man has to wield power, but the perception that he can. In Russia one doesn’t convey this idea by being an open book or being easy to understand. This is a difficult idea to get across, especial when one is racing the clock to woo a RW.
The typical client that goes to Russia has been around the block a few times. Perhaps he is in a phase where he wants to simplify his life because it is getting too cluttered. In truth, the basic nature of man is very simple and when life becomes too complex he wants to shed it as a snake sheds its skin. However, the impressions of a complex life do not leave so easily. These are impressed upon him and are buried or internalized. This is what our culture has taught us. Consequently, the rumbling of our past are compartmentalized deep below while we continue on in life with the appearance of a tabula raza… a new skin. In Russia, only children and idiots wear such a skin. It is not becoming to a man that is courting a RW. It doesn’t inspire confidence or interest in RW.
RWs’ social life is often not very stable. RM are well known for many vices for which RW pay dearly in their relationships. Be it GFs, mistresses or wives, it affects most RW. It is a chronic situation that most RW have to live with because their choices are limited. Not only that, they are raised to expect it. To stress this point, mothers sometimes sign up their daughters to agencies in their hopes of sparing them (the daughters) the grief that can be caused by their native males. Over time they develop a level of acceptance of this kind of treatment. Fundamentally this RW mindset can be a block to accepting the kindness, patience and understanding that a WM can bring with him. Such RW are expecting some degree of harshness in the relationship. In a short 10-day visit they have little time to see how hard the shoe will drop. When a WM shows that he is consistently kind and yielding to a RW, they may not believe it and reject the WM as hiding his true nature.
Other RW are like customers. On one hand they are thinking that a WM will be a better husband, yet on the other hand they are emotionally conditioned to expect much less. The result is that these RW will have some kind of internal conflict that will range from the WM as being too good to be true to having uncertainties that will delay her movement on any ground of decision in the relationship. Delays in the relationship on a first visit can snuff it out before it gets started. This is a typical case of not meeting customer’s expectations in a counter intuitive way.
IMO, one is expected to do some witty bantering for the RW that are so inclined. In so doing one can display ones’ likes and dislikes in a soft way. Also the art is generous in its ability to display strength and limits without setting of their alarm bells. For the other RW, it is the art of persuasive and passion argument that will do the same. RW want to see what their future husbands are made of. In argument they will find much of what they are looking for. Treat arguments as a challenge and not something to avoid.
RW are a mystery to WM and in part that is what intrigues us. So too we must be in order to carry RW’s interest in us. We must not be an apple that is quickly sliced to the core… but like an onion that reveals only a layer at a time. When a RW becomes married to a WM, she will have a lifetime to discover her husband’s past, present and future.
Ronin
Last edited on Wednesday September 19th, 2007 06:29 am by ronin1
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