RW and Arguing…
It is well known that the favorite past times for many Russians are vodka, smoking and arguing. Well, what WM see as arguing, many Russians see it as how life is. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Often, Russians view life is a sum zero game that yields a verbally competitive lifestyle. If a Russian needs something they will squeak louder and/or longer. This idea is not limited to the male of the species. Many RW have been ingrained with this same nature. So much so that such bantering is considered a positive attribute in many loving marriage relationships.
Ah, but there’s the rub. On one hand not all RW have this nature nor appreciate it and many WM don’t have this nature nor appreciate it either. Obviously, a wrong match selection on the part of the WM can have dire consequences in the near future relationship as a whole.
In the attribute of arguing, the most likely case that is to be encountered is that of a WM who doesn’t appreciates the art of argument, marries a RW who does. This is perhaps the most troubling and perplexing case.
In this situation, the RW bride settles into forging the marriage relationship in earnest. Of course conflicts will ensue as the RW heatedly tries to make her point to the lukewarm responding WM husband that seems to want to avoid issues all together. This infuriates the RW since she sees her husband’s avoidance as a sign that he is not interested in forging a marriage relationship nor that he even cares about her at all. Then she will get to the point that she will realize that the WM husband is a bump on the log (not a man of action that RW admire) man that would quickly garner her disrespect for being short of the man that she had expected for a husband. As such she sees that she must wear the pants in the family (sees that her husband doesn’t have the backbone to speak/argue back to her) or she sees that a divorce is looming ahead and will take appropriate steps for a soft landing.
From the WM’s perspective he sees his RW as being difficult, demanding and argumentative. He doesn’t know what happened to that seemingly quiet and cute RW that he first met in Russia. In his bewilderment and misunderstanding of the situation, he begins to believe that he made a mistake in choosing his bride. So he may think that he will give her a little time to cool off, before, deciding to throw in the towel.
At this point the RW doesn’t want to cool off; she wants the WM to heat up. The WM’s behavior or clamming-up even further (his form of letting her cool off) immediately telegraphs the WM’s potential intentions to throw in the towel. Consequently, she begins to respond by not putting an effort in the relationship but more in protecting her self-interests in preparing for separating.
To the WM, the RW’s disengagement in arguing appears to be an indication that his actions of letting her cool off is working. Though she still appears upset at least she is not arguing with him. WM thinks that his assessment was correct and things will soon settle to something more normal.
Wrong, again. It’s just the lull before the real storm. This situation of miscommunication piled on misunderstanding from both sides will spiral until the marriage is un-repairable.
Bottom line… if you are not the man she is expecting… become the man. Don’t shy away from conflict. Be ready and prepared to discuss, debate or argue any point. Arguing can be seen as an art form. As such, it can be learned just like any craft or discipline. If you do it right she will develop respect for you and your words. In time the arguments will lessen as she understands that your knowledge and decisions are being used for the betterment of the family as a whole.
One last point… always respond to her questions… always.
Ronin
Last edited on Sunday March 26th, 2006 12:33 am by ronin1
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