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ronin1
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Posted: Saturday April 22nd, 2006 06:42 am |
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How Long Before Visiting a Russian Woman?
For serious Russian Women, they are pretty much ready for a visit after 3 to 6 months of regular e-mails. The typical WM often tries to stretch it out more than that for various reasons, however in doing so one risks a significant dropout in interest on the part of the RW.
RW have a hectic life. The energy and resources they have to spend on acquiring, translating and replying to just one WM’s e-mails for 6 months can be substantial. It is not uncommon for a RW to suddenly drop corresponding with a WM as soon as she believe that he is not the man for her or when the relationship is not developing at a consist pace. If she sees that a visit is not forth coming in the near future, she will often drop a WM like a bad habit. More often than not, there will be no Dear John email. They will simply cease e-mails to the WM. This can happen even when the WM believes that the relationship is developing nicely.
Serious RW are often very motived by the time they choose to venture in the arena of international dating and marriage. There are many social and cultural pressures that push RW to get married quickly and start a family. Yet at the same time they are very private in nature. Perhaps that is not evident when one views their profile pictures, however it is certainly so. Consequently, by the time they are advertising themselves over the Internet, it is a very good sign that they are focused on getting married as soon as they find a suitable husband.
It is the RW perspective that is important. We (WM) are doing the fishing. It is our responsibility to set the hook; otherwise one will only have the story of “the one that got away.” Knowing this, one should be testing the waters about visiting at least 2 to 3 months before hand. That will give her the incentive to continue the relationship as well as give the WM the time to make arrangements for the trip.
WM… do not toy with the affections of a RW. Keyboard Romeos need not apply. Despite a RW’s reputation for being extremely tough, once one gets under their skin, they can be very fragile. Adhere to the first tenet in the Words in Stone. Follow through and you will have a RW wife for life.
RoninLast edited on Friday January 25th, 2008 07:55 am by ronin1
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ronin1
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Posted: Friday June 23rd, 2006 04:43 am |
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Why do Some Western Men Wait Too Long to Visit…
A Failure to Communicate…
From the WM’s POV, there are many schools of thought on this. IMO, it ultimately boils down to three factors; resources, risk and drive. Of course, this assumes the WM has already committed himself to a marrying outside his local group and more preferably had elected to marry a woman in a more or less in the FSU.
Cost is perhaps the first stumbling block. We all have budgets that we must live within. Some are more fortunate than others. Still, it is better to put things off so that one can have a larger nest egg before starting to lay down a serious trail of cash in pursuing a Russian Woman. Time resources are also a consideration as well. Best to have a lot of vacation time piled up before getting in deep with a RW.
If risk abatement is the overwhelming factor, then one would perhaps consider a long letter writing campaign before visiting. Perhaps use a PI to make sure the RW is real and serious. For those that are more of a risk taker or feel that they are equipped to beat the odds in one way or another, then this is less of an issue. One thing for sure is that for most WM, there is the risk of the unknown. Russia with all it entails is a big unknown. Whether it is uncertainties in travel, logistics, customs, culture and scams, there will always exists an overlying layer of risk.
All things being equal, motivational drive is can be the greatest factor in getting a WM to visit sooner than later. Still, this is no guarantee. For instance, the romantic, often the laying the foundation before meeting is as important or more than the meeting itself. Also, many are tempered by the custom that marriage should be carefully considered and not rushed into. While others maybe languid until a particular RW sparks a fire in them.
In reality, most of us are considering a weighted balance of these three factors. Most WM are concerned with the resources, risk and motivation drive. When thinking prudently, most WM will have a strong logical incentive to delay meeting RW. Just the same, these logical factors can be over-ridden by motivational drive. This conflict of factors is natural, however to delay too long is to risk loosing the RW of interest altogether.
If these factors can be trusted as a guide to whether a WM will visit their RW before her interest declines, it will more likely be the man that has sufficient or greater resources who’s is also not risk adversed and has high motivational drive. If this is correct, then the WM that are at risk of not visiting soon enough are those that are more without resources, risk adversed and have low motivational drive.
As I read what I have written, it becomes clear that it is a struggle of reason over desire… or the needs of the real world verses our inner needs. Indeed, it is true that man does not live by bread alone. Perhaps that is why we are at this forum. At some point one must relinquish some portions of reason in order to fulfill one’s desires to be loved by a RW.
IMO, in this venue of RW, one is asked to yield to desire early on with little knowledge of the emotional, as well as, logistical undertaking before them. Perhaps this is not an easy thing to do, especially shortly after a long relationship or the like. It is one of the barriers to entry in this endeavor. It is certainly easy to be a keyboard Romeo until one realizes that a heart has been touched and real emotions are in play. One must remain cognizant of the intent of correspondence. To do so is to anticipate that the process will include a first meeting at some time. With RW it is sooner than later.
Few prudent WM are really ever ready to assume a married life. There’s much prepping for this (education, career, house, personal development, etc.). Unlike WW, to court RW on the other side of the world, one needs to jump into it with no guarantee of a safe landing. To start a courtship by e-mail, one should expect that a visit is implied if things go well for ~3 months or so. If a WM is not discussing that a visit is forthcoming within the first 3 months the RW will in most cases not pursue the relationship. Their pragmatism reigns supreme in this.
Bear in mind that a RW need only to be kept interested in correspondence for a few months less to be receptive to a visit, while a WM needs to be quite serious to consider the resources, risk and drive required to make the visit happen. If the RW is still writing after 3 of 4 letters, she is interested in the WM. To ignore this and not be bold enough to at least suggest the possibility of a visit is a portent of your disinterest in her… or at least that is what she will interpret this as.
RW are used to men taking the lead. A WM in correspondence is expected to do the same. Use your words simply and purposefully to show that you are a man of action. In this, RW will understand that you are serious in sailing the silver bird.
Ronin
Last edited on Thursday August 24th, 2006 06:28 am by ronin1
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wasson65
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Posted: Tuesday July 25th, 2006 07:51 pm |
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Quite early on, Lily asked me when I would visit. I sincerely believe that they think that if the man will not visit them soon, he is not serious and probably just trifling with their hearts.
When she asked when I would visit if I thought I had met the right girl, I told her it would take a month to make the arrangements, and about one more month of writing for me to know that she was the one. I also told her that I was serious in my search for a wife, that I wanted to meet the girl and bring her here and marry her all within a year.
That seemed to satisfy her, and then I did the most important thing: FOLLOW THROUGH! I went there and met her, and it was wonderful. It was about 3 months after we started writing that I went to visit her.
Russians are by nature conservative and want to mitigate risk. They want a reliable man, because they understand that they will be very dependant on you, they literally believe they are putting their life in your hands, they do not want to be dropped. They want to trust you, so don't fail them. They don't want empty promises of someday, they want a real man, right now.
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honestman
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Posted: Sunday October 8th, 2006 08:45 pm |
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Hi I am new to this forum and would like to give it the thumbs up. I will give my story so far. I joined match.com earlier in the year and got very despondent at the replies . I had been on a few dates, but something was missing. I always had an interest in findind a woman from Russia, but in the nineties I got married to the wrong woman  and ended up divorced, with two children . In April I decided to join one of the large Russian agencies and to my amazement received many letters in the first week . I started e-mailling a few and narrowed my search after a few weeks. I was drawn to one woman in particular who was three years younger than me. (I am 43), we just seemed to get on so well. It was my detemination to meet this woman, but work meant that I could not get to see her until September. I wrote many e-mails, sent flowers, started to telephone her and even wrote and sent Russian letters (using an on-line translator) to her home address. I wished I could have seen her earlier but it was worth the wait. My time with this woman was so natural and relaxing that I will be going out again soon.  My advice is to see your Russian woman as soon as possible.
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ronin1
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Posted: Tuesday October 10th, 2006 12:21 am |
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honestman,
Welcome to the RussianWomanPrimer!
Thanks for the thumbs up.
Looks like you did everything right and you have smooth sailing ahead . You beat the odds having to wait, however others may not be so lucky.
As you said: My advice is to see your Russian woman as soon as possible.
...is right on the mark.
Ronin
Last edited on Friday November 24th, 2006 09:07 pm by ronin1
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dwfunk
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Posted: Wednesday October 11th, 2006 04:08 am |
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If you come from a background of "arranged marriages" then you will not have a problem with an accelerated romance schedule an adventure such as this demands. Since very few folks these days have the luxury of having been exposed to "arranged marriages," it becomes necessary to learn about the concept and then apply it in a modified form. If you can learn about the concept and can accept and apply the concept, you can travel this trail very quickly and easily.
Substitute the marriage agencies, the forums, and the research for your parents.
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David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
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ronin1
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Posted: Wednesday October 11th, 2006 04:59 am |
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dwfunk,
As they say… there’s more than one way to skin a cat. You hit on another way to look at it. Arranged marriages, (or at least the concept of it) makes a very good parallel to those that would approach this endeavor from a letter-writing stance.
Arranged marriages are often a very slow process. While the deal can be made decades before the actual marriage, it’s somewhat a trial by fire afterwards. The RW endeavor is not quite as long, but there is certainly a ‘trial by fire’ aspect after the marriage. In one case the parents make the arrangements and the initial marriage glue is through social and family pressures (less glue and more like being between a rock and a hard place).
In our endeavor, the participants make the arrangements and the glue is almost solely by the convictions and feelings of the man and woman. This puts a great deal of emphesis on choosing wisely the one you want to be with. If one chooses not so wisely, one's convictions and feels may not hold long enough to get past the initial trials.
Ronin
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Turboguy
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Posted: Saturday March 17th, 2007 10:35 pm |
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I think one of the problems in finding a good Russian woman is that the guy likes to write long enough to know a gal is serious about him before he takes the time and spends the money for a visit.
The women tend to feel that if correspondence goes on too long he is not serious.
The end result is that about the time the guy is ready to buy the ticket the gal stops writing.
Anyone else see this as reality?
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dwfunk
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Posted: Sunday March 18th, 2007 12:41 am |
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Turboguy wrote: I think one of the problems in finding a good Russian woman is that the guy likes to write long enough to know a gal is serious about him before he takes the time and spends the money for a visit.
The women tend to feel that if correspondence goes on too long he is not serious.
The end result is that about the time the guy is ready to buy the ticket the gal stops writing.
Anyone else see this as reality?
Very much so. This is where the wise gentleman or those of us that have been around awhile and have actually learned something must adapt our writing habits.
We must utilize high quality communications skills and if we don't have them or don't develop them quickly, we'll end up in a correspondence period that is too long and we will be seen only as a pen pal.
Too many American men approach the Russian Wife option as if he was just long distance, really long distance dating an American woman when this process is closer to an arranged marriage/blind date sort of situation.
One must be prepared to do quality communications, get as much of the required information needed as quickly as possible and to get her the quality of information she needs, and then be prepared to visit, and to visit very soon after the initial contact.
caveat:ymmv
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David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/ Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
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Turboguy
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Posted: Sunday March 18th, 2007 04:06 am |
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| DW, I can admit to writing some gals for a long time before visiting but I think the more you do this the more you realize it is not the way to go. I have my opinion on this but before I say it I will ask yours. How long do you think someone should write before meeting?
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dwfunk
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Posted: Monday March 19th, 2007 03:04 am |
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Turboguy wrote: DW, I can admit to writing some gals for a long time before visiting but I think the more you do this the more you realize it is not the way to go. I have my opinion on this but before I say it I will ask yours. How long do you think someone should write before meeting?
<Grin> I know your opinion, but please post it as others may not know. Knowledge is useful and it may be helpful to someone else. There isn't any one right way or one wrong way to do this, and some processes have a higher rate of success than others. Some folks like agencies and some don't, I don't, but I don't discourage anyone from trying them. (I've never used an agency, didn't need to) All of us will dis-like what has not worked for us and that may include something that works for someone else.
I actually believe this process should be approached like a pre-arranged marriage. There are many tools to help us with these "arrangements." In the process of an arranged marriage one does NOT know everything there is to know, or is available to know, or that can be discovered about the other person as in a much longer conventional courtship. The trick is to discover the 'fatal' flaws ASAP so as to not waste time or get hooked emotionally in a no-way, no-win situation. Then one has to be willing and able to live with what they end up with. One has to choose to love and live with the selected partner.
Once upon a time, our parents or our community made the arrangements. They weeded out the fatal flaws for us. They picked familiar partners for us, similar family backgrounds, good health, good looks, good education, etc., etc. And occasionally they listened to our "suggestions."
What makes arranged marriages work is that the two know that for whatever reason, they have to make it work. Could be cultural, religious, or even legal. One way to do this is to actually commit to making it work, no matter what. This sounds like a conventional marriage but it's actually more than that.
The process of writing, using an agency, touring, or other visiting, is the 'qualification' phase of a pre-arranged marriage process.
Oh, yes, and actually this process of finding a Russian Wife should be a full time job once started and should be continued until finished, i.e. we have our new wife. Yes, that's difficult to do sometimes, but then again, what are our priorities?? Are we really serious??
But to answer your question:
This is a fast moving process. I think it's possible to know if shes a "keeper" before visiting, (otherwise why visit?) and I think it's possible to know within 3 months.
"Date...or Soul Mate? How To Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing In Two Dates Or Less" by Dr. Neil Clark Warren and the Venus/Mars book (will teach you how to treat her and why you act the way you do) should be in every guys library who embarks on this endeavor.
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David & Natalia
Republic of Texas/ Moscow, Russia
УЛ. КОНЕНКОВА
16th World Spacemodeling Championships
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Freddy
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Posted: Friday June 22nd, 2007 08:45 pm |
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Hello i am very new to this i am only 35 years old. I would like to settle down and have a loving wife with some children. I was online one day just surfing the web. When i got a email from this online dating service it was called singleme.com. It was a email from singleme saying that tatyana had sent me email and ask me if i would like to reply to the email. So naturealy i did reply she was suppose to be from Paradise, California when i read her email i knew for some reason that i had to reply to her email. I answered all of her questions that she wanted to know about me at that time. After i sent it to her i got a reply back i was kinda of shocked that she reply to email since i live Illinois, U.S. and she lived in California and then to me would be hard to meet her i work for a company that i get paid alot it just enough to get by and pay bills. Ok back to her reply she was so happy when i reply to her email she acted alittle worried. But when she reply to my email told me that she lived in russia not California i was kinda shock about that. She went on to tell me why she did it that way cause the singleme.com did have where you can look outside the U.S. for single. I could help it but reply to her email again and she was very happy again she had thought that by telling me she was from russia i would stop sending email to her she thought that she scared me away. But for some reason my heart told me to email her again and tell her she didn't scare me away. She was glad of that and sent me some more question to answer which i did. Ok we have been email each other for a week now i hope i wasn't beening stupid, but i email her the one day and told i am starting to get feeling for her. I was shock when she email me back saying the same thing but she added this to email said to me it like i have know you my whole life. setn one back to her saying the same to her. Is it just me or do you think i am being crazy about this girl i haven't met yet. I for some reason it is like i have know her for her whole life. Can she be the one for me. I have been dreaming about a lovely girl with long flowing black hair before we even stated email each other and even before i had a tarol card reading comforming i would meet a girl with long black hair like hers. How would i go about setting up a day to go visited her when it is time and how can i pay for it i dont make whole alot.
Thks for your time
MatthewLast edited on Friday June 22nd, 2007 08:56 pm by Freddy
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ronin1
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Posted: Monday June 25th, 2007 05:22 pm |
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Freddy,
Welcome to the RWPrimer.
It's a great day when a WM begins to think outside the box. Kudos to you. You have made the first step that could lead to much happiness...
Unfortunately, there is also a downside in stepping into a path least traveled. There are not well known bumps and pot holes along the way. Please review your thoughts in light of the tenets listed in the Words of Stone. Most particular are tenets 5,6,7 & 9.
Some of your cost questions maybe answered in this link RW on a shoe-string budget.
Ronin
Last edited on Monday June 25th, 2007 11:45 pm by ronin1
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