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Muddy
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| Joined: | Monday October 23rd, 2006 |
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Posted: Tuesday October 24th, 2006 01:56 am |
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I know a girl who lives in Kiev. She is not from Kiev, she is a student. Her grandmother lives in Kharkov. We are friends not lovers, I know her for 16 months
She sent me an email today and asked me to call her. I called her and she tells me about her grandmother bad health and says she needs $360 for medicine. Her parents live in a small city. Financially, her parents work hard. make little money.
I would send her the money if I was sure she was telling me the truth
How mnay times have people had this experience and later found out they were lied to?? Maybe some have posted topics about it.
I met her in 2005 and I really liked her character, I went to Kiev again in 2006(summer) and of course Kiev changes people!
I dont know what to do here, I told her I cannot help her because I am not there and I dont know if she is telling me the truth!
I helped her before with her contact lense 4-5 times since 2005, every time only $60
Her brother owns a busy internet center but she told me he cannot help her! She also told me her parents will return the money to me next year!
I dont want the money back I just dont know if she is telling me the truth! Iknow her family is not rich and her brother doesnt help her much!
Last edited on Tuesday October 24th, 2006 02:00 am by Muddy
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TrevorM
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| Joined: | Sunday May 28th, 2006 |
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Posted: Tuesday October 24th, 2006 01:49 pm |
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Only you can decide whether she is telling the truth or not.
The first thing to do is to gather as much information as possible:-
What is wrong with her grandmother? What medicine does she need? And any other similar questions you can think of.
Secondly, analyse the results to see if the story hangs together. If you then decide to send the money, ask her where the money should be sent. It would seem likely that her grandmother lives near her parents, so suggest sending the money via Western Union to where they live. If your friend doesn't like this and wants the money sent direct to herself in Kiev, then something is probably a little fishy.
Even if the story is true, her grandmother will be fairly old and is likely to need more treatment, so it could be the start of a sequence of requests.
Finally, think carefully about what you are getting out of this relationship and where you want it to go in the future, as this could be the thin end of the wedge, whether it is a true story or a scam.
Trevor
PS - I agree with you about Kiev. It is a really lovely city and the Ukranians, looking towards the European Union, seem a lot happier, brighter and more laid-back than their Russian cousins. If you go back there try visiting the Crimea, as it is also a very interesting and lovely area, particularly Yalta and Sevastopol. Also a big plus - EU citizens do not need a visa.
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ronin1
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| Joined: | Saturday January 21st, 2006 |
| Location: | S.F. Bay Area, California USA |
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Posted: Wednesday October 25th, 2006 06:51 am |
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Muddy,
First off, welcome to the RussianWomanPrimer.
Yes, I see that the waters are muddy for you. Trevor's words are very true.
How mnay times have people had this experience and later found out they were lied to?? Maybe some have posted topics about it.
Keyboard Romeo's getting scammed are a repeated theme that happens with great frequency. Those that have met their RW/UW in real life are less so aflicted. This site advocates care in dispensing funds to RW/UW as per the Words in Stone.
I would send her the money if I was sure she was telling me the truth ... I told her I cannot help her because I am not there and I dont know if she is telling me the truth!
I dont want the money back I just dont know if she is telling me the truth! Iknow her family is not rich and her brother doesnt help her much!
It seems clear that you have your doubts. Bear in mind that I have very limited info to base a reply, but here goes.
First you have to determine what your relationship with her is and what you envision it to become in ther future. To recap... you have visited her twice and currently you see the relationship is as friends. The question is what kind of 'friends' and how will that transform into the future.
To date she has drawn at least $300 from you and is asking for another $300. I'm sure that you are suspicous of having to shell out for contacts "6" time!" Now to ask you for another $300? There is no doubt that you have feels for her. An impartial man would have seen the handwriting on the wall a long time ago.
IMO, lets look at things from the typical RW/UW students perspective. One, you have known her for a long-time (16 months is long) without stating any serious intentions. Remember that most RW/UW will be hot on the marriage partner trail as soon as they graduate if not sooner. Being a WM you are hot property and are considered a prime catch to many RW/UW. You are considered very well off. As such, if you are to carry a relationship with a RW/UW and are not placing yourself as a potential husband, what will she be getting out of you? Here is were one has to follow the money... since money is power and RW/UW respect this. Being blunt,she can either marry into it or take it. One is either a potential husband or a potential sponsor.
It is clear what she is getting from this relationship. It is not clear what you are getting and that is perhaps why you are questioning the whole premise. You have serious doubts. That is you along with many others. Welcome to the club.
Is she being truthful in that she need contacts 6 times ? Maybe.. not. Is it true that her parents need heath care? Who doesn't. It is not a matter of if she is being truthful of not... the real question is why she is calling upon you (just a friend) to bail her out of her and her families problems. All families have problems. Do all your friends ask money from you? You may think of her as your friend, however I fear that the thought is not on a mutual footing.
There are tens of millions of young RW/UW that are unmarried and will remain unmarried because they can't fine a suitable husband. If you are indeed having thoughts to one day marrying one of these rare gems of the world, perhaps you might consider the vast ocean of RW/UW that you are in when your visit again.
Ronin
Last edited on Wednesday October 25th, 2006 06:52 am by ronin1
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manchester
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| Joined: | Monday August 14th, 2006 |
| Location: | Manchester, United Kingdom |
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Posted: Thursday November 9th, 2006 09:32 pm |
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ronin1 wrote:
To date she has drawn at least $300 from you and is asking for another $300. I'm sure that you are suspicous of having to shell out for contacts "6" time!" Now to ask you for another $300? There is no doubt that you have feels for her. An impartial man would have seen the handwriting on the wall a long time ago.
Ronin is quite correct. You know of course if you read the forums that the Golden Rule is "dont send money". Your relationship (reading between the lines) does not seem to have progressed beyond platonic over a couple of visits, what is her justification for expecting you to shell out more cash with nothing in the deal for you?
It is a sad fact of life that these women perceive their western men as "rich" (which of course is a relative term based on ones location) and she may imagine that it is chicken feed to you - irrepespective of whether it is or not, you have enough doubt to ask here, your doubts are probably correct.
Of course I dont know the girl and the judgement will be ultimately yours but my gut feeling is what started as the odd $60 has now become $300 and next time it will be $500 for some other heart wrenching catastrophe.
Say no (you are short of money at the moment) and see if she still remains your friend.
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ronin1
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Posted: Saturday November 11th, 2006 03:38 am |
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Muddy,
Manchester makes a good point:
Say no (you are short of money at the moment) and see if she still remains your friend.
Ronin
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honestman
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| Joined: | Saturday September 30th, 2006 |
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Posted: Saturday November 11th, 2006 11:27 am |
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| Hi Muddy and welcome. It occurs to me from reading your story that $360 is alot of money for medicine. Perhaps you could clarify the issue by asking your lady what type of medicine her grandmother requires. I am not an expert on the issue of costs of medicine in Russia, but this is alot when you convert it into Roubles (approx 10,000).
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